I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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