you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
