Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
