i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
