IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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