we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
