Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize