my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
