I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
