Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
