So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
