last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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