I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
