; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
