Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize