Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
