SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
