Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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