And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize