Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
