"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
