It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
