What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
