Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
