All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
