The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
