i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
