you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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