I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
