I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
