I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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