So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
