My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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