People with herpes should wear stickers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize