ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
