Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize