bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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