not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
