TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
