man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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