Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have feelings that need drinking.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
