Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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