In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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