How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
