peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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