they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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