I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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