Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
