you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
