In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
