you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
