I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
