It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
