I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
