Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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