you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
