I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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