Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
