So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
