After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
