Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
