My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
