Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
