he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
