It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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