I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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