I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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